Just random

Here it goes. Now it's officially a week I'm back to civilization after 12 days in the wilderness, sleeping in tents, swallow a fly, shower with locust and frogs and climbing up and down hills during the day. What a relive to live in the real world with people when the heart is yearning for God's words and presence and lastly to be back in the arms of my beloved love. During the trip when I was cut off in any form of communication with anyone in the outside world, I have the time to think about everything. Think about how bless I am to have everything I have now. Life may be sucks at the moment but I'm grateful I'm alive ant not in hell because of my past.


Once I'm back, I was all set for the force of studies that keep crashing over me. What brought me down is the pressure as a cell helper and some friends who are just plain thoughtless and heartless to my predicament. How ironic. Cell is the place where I was build and now it's the place that brought me down this year. Expectation and too much responsibilities is wearing me down. I just don't get it. In what term of GEOLOGY that they do not understand?


Everybody knows that geology is about earth, soil, dirt and rocks. Meaning, we learn about everything about nature. To make things worst, after field trip is always my "no social life" weeks. It's like I don't have a life at all until I'm done with my exams. Anyway, let talks about my spiritual journey then. As I'm back from the wilderness and I'm hungry for His words, edification in cell and sermons in church are just plain dry. I'm all dried up and yet I drink nothing. I'm extra dry. Not that I'm a beer that extra dry and extra crisp. You know what I mean. Add up to my dryness, I'm broke. 


This week is like from bad to worst. God. How much I need God to restore back everything. I see no hope for my studies. If it wasn't because of Love being with me most of the time, I definitely going to cry every night like I use to. This is my silent conversation with God.


"God, I don't know how in the world You use me to glorify Your name? I don't see how You can use me. At this moment all I see is I'm screwing up my uni life- my studies. Lord, all I want is to be with You. But going through all of this is so hard. I feel so lost and hungry for You. Lord I need You. I need You to restore my life, to organize my life and to guide me."


I looked at Love once he's done hugging me. I nearly cried how glad I am to have him with me. Thank God for the dark night that cover my eyes. All I can say now no matter how screwed I am, I still continue to walk in His way. No matter how worthless I am I still choose to follow Him, the One who have loved me, still love me and always love me for who I am despite of what the world say.