Dark Night

"Love, do you love me?"


He looked at me with that same puzzled look that he always gave me whenever I asked that question.


"Is that a trick question?" He asked back.


"Of course I love you." He answered and hugging me tightly at the same time.


"Stupid bitch." The voice in my head told me.


"Here's the thing sugar, he's doing great and the opportunities for him to shine just keep coming. It's like wave by wave. And you know what that's mean. FYI, you fucked up and yeah. Just so you know, you can barely keep up with the pace. It's either you or the things he do. Still don't get it? Let me remind you what happened in your past relationship." The voice told me.


The moment the voice said that, I was pinned by a tsunami of fear, pain, hurt, abandonment, and loneliness.


"Yes dear. Remember that? Remember what happened to you in the past? Are you scared now? You should be. Coz it's going to happen again." The voice left me with a smile of victory as it leaves me with a pain in my chest and hot stream of tears begin to buildup in my eyes.


"No!" I screamed at the back of throat.


"He loves me..." I choked into whispers.


Doubt begins to flood in my head. I try to fight back. But it wasn't enough. Until, I hurt love last nite. He cried. I cried. We both cried. I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself that I wanted to throw myself down on the floor and sleep there for the rest of the nite or torture myself outside on the balcony in the cold nite and let the coolness of the wind bite my bones to dust. I weeped on the other side of the bed hoping that love wouldn't notice it. I failed. After a while he turned to me and hugged me. Then I finally gave in to the sorrow of my pain. My chest was pounding so hard that I literally can feel my heart was going to burst out of my chest. The throbbing in head was killing me. The pain snake its way to my eye and the bridge of my nose. My stomach was churning. My head was spinning. All I can feel is pain. Shame. Guilt. The last thing I know, I was still weeping softly and then I passed out until the morning light seeping its way through the curtain to announce the arrival of a new dawn.