There are so many things I would love to share here since my last blog but for now as in this moment right now, I'm tired, weary, burdened by the weight of the world. I'm tired for repeating the same unit THREE times. I'm ashamed to the very last bit of myself of such things. TWO UNITS repeating for the THIRD time. I have had so many downfalls and this is my number two on the top list. Gosh! Life is hard especially for a person like me. Despite of my SHAME and DOWNFALLS, I couldn't thank GOD enough for His GRACE. I have so many "I believe in God" list but how many times do you really hold on to it when the wave of life crashing on you? How much TEARS have you shed to cling on that PROMISES of His? How much FRUSTRATIONS can you take till you finally SEEK Him? How many SLEEPLESS nights have you gone through to KNEEL and PRAY? Have your BEATINGS leave your CHEST red each time you beat your breast to CRY out to the Lord? I was there and still am. JOHN 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that IN ME (JESUS) you may have PEACE. In this WORLD you will have TROUBLE. But TAKE HEART! I (JESUS) have OVERCOME the world." I was in class today for my final class of the day, a text came from my father. Money always seems to be an issue. As a child, repeating in uni, lots of expanses involve equals to bad book in a father sight or just me who thinks it that way. I looked back in what way I've "wasted" the money to. I don't go to party or clubs plus I have a revelation of it in Hillsong conference this year (clubs, you are an insults to the Hillsong conference). Anyway, last month, all the money goes straight to bills and rent and left few for me to spend. HAVEN'T tithe since early this year due to financial management and problems. I OWE people money which I never did. It is always the other way round. Practically I'm in a PIT. LITERALLY. As I walk to the parking lot, I took out my iphone, walking and reading at the same time PSALM 23 "The Lord is my SHEPHERD; I shall not WANT. He makes me LIE down in green pastures; He LEADS me beside the still waters. He RESTORES my SOUL;". I keep on reading it until I got inside the car. Then, I repeat it again and TEARS was running down my cheeks. For an instant, I remembered the time when I found out that I have FAILED my unit. FUTURE was GRIM, SHAME engulfed me, FEAR ripped me apart, GUILT consumed me and HOPE was only thing that SUSTAINED me. During that time, I remembered that I was saying this under my breath countless times, more like a MANTRA to me. " My GOD is GREATER than my FATHER, my GOD is GREATER than my FAILURES, my GOD is GREATER than my SHAME, my GOD is GREATER than my GRADES, my GOD is GREATER than my UNI, my GOD is GREATER. There is NOTHING can go AGAINST my GOD. My GOD is for ME. My GOD is WITH me."I cried as I was saying those words. Deep inside me, CHAINS were BROKEN. NO more CONDEMNATION, NO more SHAME, NO more GUILT instead replaced by EVERLASTING LOVE from ABOVE. I AM FREE. True that I may have to go through it again but this time I have a song to sing back to it, my MANTRA. GOD don't need REMINDERS from us that HE is GREAT but WE need to REMIND OURSELVES that GOD is GREATER above ALL else. My DAD may DISOWN me, I may don't have a PLACE to STAY, I may be a DISGRACE to my FAMILY but there is a FATHER in HEAVEN that is PROUD of me, LOVE me regardless of my SHORTCOMINGS, welcomes me as I'm the ONLY one that He CARES and be WITH me throughout my TIME on this EARTH.
