Frenemies

Self conscious can be your friend and enemy at the same time. That is where the terms "frenemies" came from in the first place. As for me, too much of it is just the beginning. People always tell us or advise us to look forward in life. Just like driving, you have to focus on the windscreen not side mirrors. I concentrate too much on the side mirrors. It's always been fear and comparison that keeps bugging me. Fear I'm not good enough. Fear I'm just nothing compared to others. Fear I'm not that pretty. Fear that I'm not that "hot" enough. Comparing myself to the other girls who are capable of multitasking. Comparing myself to your best friend. Comparing myself to your gifts. Why I am like this? Everyone knows the basic answer to it. Low self esteemed. There are times when I felt like giving in to all of this "I'm not good enough" ranting. It feels easier that way than fighting it off. I'm really sick and tired of it. Like, seriously, what would you feel when you go out and shopping with your friends buying clothes but you didn't get anything because nothing can fit in? Definitely embarrass, feeling low and hate yourself to the max. That's just the basic example but still kills me. I'm totally not in a good mood now about this issue. Man. I sure have a lot of issues.